Pretty much every birthday party that Gatlin has had before always ended up with him being very upset. I could never understand why he would always be so grouchy and crying. He wouldn't want to open presents, blow out candles, or do much of anything for that matter. This never made sense to me until we were on the road to getting his Autism diagnosis and I finally started to understand my baby better.
When we started the process for Gatlin's diagnosis it was February of last year and he had recently turned 3 years old. I had always known that my boy was sensitive and that he saw the world a little bit differently but I was only just beginning to understand it all at this point in time. During one of our visits with a specialist I started telling her about how Gatlin always hates his birthday parties and how the last one had been a little stranger than before. You see Gatty has always collected and carried special toys with him at all times since he was really little, and at that point it was some Handy Manny tools. He kept his tools with him at all times and he was all about Handy Manny. So in an effort to try to do something special for him I had my friend Sarah decorate a cake with Manny and the tools on it. I thought Gatlin would love it.
What I did not anticipate was that Gatlin would not understand that the tools were just cake and not his toy tools. He immediately became very upset as we started cutting the cake and he kept trying to take the tools. It was my Aunt Dona that first commented that he seemed to think they were real. In order to calm him down we just gave him pieces of cake with the tools on it and he carried them around for a while until he dropped one and the cake fell apart. He then looked at it puzzled and then started to smear the frosting all over the floor.I felt like the worst Mom in the world! Here I had tried to do something special for him and instead I just upset and confused him. I felt like a complete failure, so much so that even writing this now brings tears to my eyes.
As I told this story to that doctor she explained to me that birthday parties may not be a good idea for Gatlin. She said that although I had the best intentions I had basically put his tools, his prized toys, up on this pedestal that he couldn't get to and then it fell apart on him. She also said that all of the commotion of extra people and the expectations put on him to open presents and blow candles was probably just too overwhelming for him. She continued to say that probably the best party for him would be just us with plain and simple white cake. I was finally starting to get it when she explained that a lot of times birthday parties are really for the parents and not as much for the kids. I understood now that I needed to do what was best for him and not what I thought was the perfect party.
Fast forward to this past weekend. A whole year has past and Gatlin has grown and changed so much. He's doing great in therapies and preschool. He's even beginning to interact more with other children in his class. We knew that he had come a long way and that more than likely this year a birthday party would be much easier on him but I did not want a repeat of last year at all. So with that we decided to do things a bit differently. This year we only invited a select few very close relatives, the ones who come to our house regularly. We told everyone ahead of time that it would be a relaxed event and that we would be following Gatlin's lead to make sure he was comfortable and happy. If he did not want to open presents or blow out candles then we simply would not do it.
Now me being me, I still wanted to make a special cake for him. You know sometimes we as parents just can't let things go. I really didn't want him to have a plain white cake and I was confident that he understood things much better now so that he wouldn't be confused with his cake. I mean now I can tell him if something is to be eaten or not and we've even looked at cakes in the bakery section at the store too. So I decided to go ahead and make him a special Buzz Lightyear cake but I reminded myself the whole way that if he didn't like it that was my problem and not his.
I am pleased to say that his birthday party went over very well! He was in a good mood, when we asked him if he wanted to open presents he was excited to do it. He did very well sitting at the table when it was time to blow out candles too. My brother sat with him while I was taking pictures and tried to explain to Gatlin how to blow out his candles. After a few tries I noticed Gatlin start to put his head down so I immediately sensed that he was headed for frustration and told my brother to just blow them out for him. That was that and Gatlin was happy again. He even helped me cut his piece of cake. I was just beyond proud of him. He amazes me every day and I love him so very much.
Here is a picture of Gatlin's birthday cake.
At the end of the weekend I finally got some time to work on my paintings. This first one is Fireworks, a 5x7 on acrylic paper. I supposed I made this because I feeling such excitement over birthday party gone right for once.
This next painting I call Perfect Puzzle, it's another 5x7 acrylic on paper. This one is inspired by my boys. You know a puzzle piece is the symbol for Autism and I honestly have mixed feelings about that and anything else that holds any negative connotation towards Autism. I know very well that Autism can make things more difficult but it is also very much a part of who my boys are. It makes them see the world in a different and amazing way. My boys have taught me so much and made me a much better person. Learning to understand their perspective has humbled me and made me more understanding of everyone around me. I thank God for them everyday and I do not feel the least bit upset about having children with Autism. If my boys are a puzzle then they are a perfect puzzle to me and I love them just the way they are.
This is just beautiful Christina, I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I had no idea you have boys with autism. My oldest son is autistic and we didn't figure it out right away, and as I read your description about Gatlin's birthdays it brought back memories of my son's birthdays and also other holidays. My son is 20 now and doing better, but every day is still a challenge. What a great way to use art for your feelings about this!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kristen! It's been quite a journey for us this past year but both of my boys have come such a long way. It's nice to know that others can relate to what we are going through. I'm glad to hear your son is doing well. It was really nice last night to be able to express my feelings through art. I thank you for encouraging me through this painting challenge. It's been so much fun and definitely a great way to express some of these emotions I have inside.
ReplyDelete